


Miscommunication In Crisis

by whereyoustand



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Miscommunication, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23807893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whereyoustand/pseuds/whereyoustand
Summary: "Sorry, it's been a while since I've rung this hotline," Ethan whispered and Mark felt fear immediately fill his lungs."What's your name?" Mark asked instead.OREthan calls Mark meaning to call a hotline, Mark listens and Ethan doesn't realise.
Relationships: Amy Nelson & Ethan Nestor, Mark Fischbach & Ethan Nestor, Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson
Comments: 14
Kudos: 288





	Miscommunication In Crisis

"Hello?" Mark answered his phone, it was coming up to about one AM and Mark was about to fall asleep when his phone rung. Usually, he'd ignore it but it was unlike Ethan to call this late.

"I feel very lost at the moment." A shaky voice replied and Mark furrowed his eyebrows furrowed as he barely recognised Ethan's voice.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Mark replied, tiredness filling his voice as he walked out the room into the corridor to stop from waking Amy.

"Sorry, it's been a while since I've rung this hotline," Ethan whispered and Mark felt fear immediately fill his lungs. 

"What's your name?" Mark asked instead.

"Ethan."

Mark's breath hitched before he replied. "Ethan's a lovely name."

"Hello," Ethan's voice was shaking.

"Hey there. So you said you were feeling lost, why is that?" Mark tried to get his breathing back to normal as he heard his friend's voice.

"It's just-" Ethan sighed. "I work for this team and there's only five of us and they are some of the best people that I know and I'm grateful to have them as friends but sometimes I think that, maybe, they'd be better off without me."

"Why do you think that?" Mark asked.

"So I have ADHD and sometimes I get hyper and I annoy them. I've grown up my entire life being told that I am annoying and that I'm not good enough." Ethan started and Mark closed his eyes and took in the information.

"I'm sure your friends would tell you if you annoyed them." Mark tried to assure Ethan.

"They're too nice for that. I feel like no matter what, I'm not good enough. I'm working with someone I've looked up to for years and I don't deserve that experience. He's so much better than I ever truly imagined and we're doing this project together and I'm so scared I'll let him down. I just-" Ethan sighed. "I know that they'll be better off without me. He can do the project with someone smarter, funnier, stronger, and more handsome. I have no specialities, all I can do is pretend that everything is okay. I'd be better off gone." Ethan's voice got louder the more frustrated he got with himself.

"I'm sure if your friend chose you to do the project with then he wanted you. If you be honest with him, I'm sure he'd understand." Mark explained. "How about you wait until the project is done and then see how you feel then?"

"I guess," Ethan muttered. "I just don't feel good enough. I'm never good enough. I know my parents love me, I just don't always feel it. God, I'm such hard work." Ethan laughed through his tears.

"I'm sure your friends would understand that if you told them, and your family," Mark said. "I promise that everything will get better. You have to reach the worst before you reach the best."

"Can I be real with you for a second?" Ethan whispered.

"Of course you can," Mark whispered.

There are a few moments of silence when Ethan finally speaks.

"I was going to kill myself tonight. I was debating it." He whispered. "And then I remembered my dog and who was going to look after him. And I remembered my friends and I don't want to leave them. I called up you after I got my knife out." 

Mark felt all air leave his body but he knew he couldn't falter. "I'm happy to hear that you thought about your friends and your dog, Ethan. I'm sure they would miss you. Where is the knife now?" Mark asked.

"It's on the floor to my left," Ethan answered.

"Okay, do you trust yourself to pick it up?" Mark questioned.

"Yes."

"Okay, can you pick it up and move it to the draw it's supposed to go in or in the bin?" Mark questioned. Mark heard shuffling around a draw open and slam shut.

"It's away," Ethan stated and Mark let out a breath of relief

"Okay, that's good. How about you message a friend and ask if they can come to your house and talk or do something relaxing?" Mark asked.

"Yeah, I'll message one now." Ethan must've seen who he was calling because he suddenly went deadly silent.

"Ethan are you there?" Mark asked.

"Mark?" Ethan's voice was shaky.

"Ethan?" Mark realised that Ethan had clicked.

"Fuck. Are you serious?" Ethan let out a little sob. "That's an invasion of privacy, Mark! Fuck, I don't want to talk to you ever again. I trusted you." 

Mark started tearing up, guilt filling him as he listened to his friend's broken voice. 

"Ethan, I'm sorry." But it fell on deaf ears, Ethan hanging up on Mark's apologies.

"Fuck," Mark exclaimed quietly.

"Mark?" Amy's tired voice came from his bedroom doorway. "It's late. Is everything okay?" She asked voice filled to the brim of concern as Mark turned to show his wet cheeks from tears.

"I, um, need to see Ethan." He whispered, nodding his head. "I think he's in trouble."

"Okay, take a breather and we'll get our shoes on and we'll go!" Amy nodded, quickly running into their room to grab shoes and some warmer clothes. They quickly left their house, jumping into the car and driving to Ethan's small flat. When they got to the door, Amy started knocking on the door as Mark searched for the spare key under the plant pot. Mark unlocked the door and ran into the flat, making his way to the kitchen.

Ethan stood in the kitchen, eyes trained on the knife that was on the counter.

"Ethan?" Mark whispered. "What do you need right now?" He asked, fear seeping through his voice.

Ethan sniffed slightly. "I don't know Mark but since you're a hotline responder, why don't you tell me?" Ethan asked sarcastically.

"I deserve that Ethan but no matter what, you and I know that this would've ended in a hospital room if I didn't stay on the phone to you." Mark reasoned.

"Just step away from the knife and we can sit on the couch and talk."

"You already know everything. You tricked me! I can't believe you would do that!" Ethan exclaimed.

"I know but I am not sorry. You told me you felt lost and I assumed you knew it was me and I didn't want to embarrass you."

"I would've found out anyway Mark. Fuck!"

"You called me, Ethan, and I didn't want to lose you," Mark said.

"Because your contact is next to the hotline. I assumed I could trust the person on the other end." Ethan whimpered. "You found out everything I didn't want anyone to ever know." 

"Please, Ethan," Amy begged. "You and I can talk away from Mark, but you can't be alone right now. We love you so much, please just let us sit down take." 

"Can you guys just leave, please? I want to be alone." Ethan cried.

"You know that we can't do that," Mark whispered.

Ethan let out a strangled cry and stared at the ceiling. 

"Please," Mark begged. Ethan turned around and frowned and Mark quickly ran forward and engulfed Ethan in a hug. Ethan's legs gave out beneath him and all his weight was on Mark.

Mark pulled Ethan closer into his arms, as close as he could get him, and slowly lowered the two of them to the ground. Ethan clutched Mark's top, desperate to feel grounded.

Mark started whispering soothing messages to Ethan as Amy stroked his hair lovingly. Ethan just continued to sob as Amy stood up and put the knife away before moving to let Spencer out of his crate. Spencer immediately ran up to

Ethan and gave him attention, eager to calm his owner down. Ethan stroked his dog, grounding himself.

"I'm okay, Spencer," Ethan whispered.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mark asked.

"I have to do, don't I?" Ethan sighed.

"You don't have to do anything," Mark assured. "But I think we should. It's important."

"I just hate myself sometimes. I think I'd be better off dead sometimes." Ethan shrugged. "I don't know, it's just me being dramatic. There's no reason to be worried about me."

"No, you don't get to brush this off. Let me be worried about you. Have you ever been-" Mark's voice broke off, refusing to say the word.

"Suicidal?" Ethan asked and Mark nodded. "Yeah. I just have moments sometimes, I suppose. I've only ever tried to when I was a teenager after my parents' divorce and then I've been tempted to multiple times but I call the hotline every time, that's why it's saved on my phone." Ethan explained.

"Ethan, you need to speak to someone. A professional." Mark said.

Ethan shook his head. "I'm too scared, Mark."

"We'll be here every step of the way I promise," Mark swore.

"I don't want everyone to know," Ethan stated quietly.

"Then we won't tell them." Amy smiled. "It'll stay between us, no one has to know. I think it would be good for them to know but I'm not going out of my way to ignore your wishes. Neither of us will."

Ethan just nodded. "I want to go to bed."

"That's okay, we'll stay here for the night. I don't want to leave you alone right now." Mark said honestly.

"I don't have any room for you guys." Ethan shrugged.

"Okay, you grab some stuff and you can stay in the spare room around ours." Mark offered. Ethan nodded, knowing better than to put up an argument, he was too tired anyway, the night's events finally taking a toll on him.

Ethan slowly made his way to his room and grabbed his bag, throwing clothes in it, grabbing his ADHD medication and his toothbrush. Ethan walked back down the stairs to see Mark had a hold on Spencer on a leash and Amy held his dog food and bowl. Spencer immediately ran to Ethan jumping at his legs to see if he's okay. Ethan stroked the dog's head and walked out of the doors.

Ethan sat in the back and held Spencer in his lap. He leaned his head against the cool glass and closed his eyes, opening them when Spencer starting licking his hand. Ethan opened his eyes and looked to see that they were at his friend's house. He got out the car and grabbed his stuff walked into the house and made his way to the bedroom only to be stopped by Mark grabbing his wrist.

"Hey. I love you, okay?" He said, eyes wide with comfort and honesty.

Ethan simply shook his head, whispering an "I love you too." before walking to the spare room and falling asleep.

Mark checked on him throughout the night, worried he would wake up and Ethan would be in a hospital. This was the start of a long recovery for Ethan and Mark knew it.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written for this fandom so I hope it's okay :')


End file.
